I don't date. I relationship.
This is largely because dating is sooo... uncertain. I don't like not knowing where I stand and when you are dating, you are on a constantly shifting plane of very soft sand. Keeping your footing is nearly impossible.
Not that relationshiping is any easier, but you know, at least you usually know where you stand. I mean, your being exclusive, so you at least like the person they probably like you too.
Anyway: My Date with Instacopy Guy.
It was fantastic. The wine was yummy, the guy was a sharp dresser AND a good conversationalist. We sat and talked for several hours, about books and comic books, and politics and writing. We laughed and lost track of time, staying till well after the place had technically closed.
He was a gentlemen too, letting me go first and not sitting till I had sat. It was probably the best first date I've ever had. We didn't even seem to be that nervous.
So whats the problem, you may ask. Well it's this: I like him. A lot. While that might not immediately seem like a problem, you'd be surprised.
As I was driving home, I was all smiles, thinking of what we said and how much I liked him. Then I realized. What if he doesn't like me? He hadn't secured a second date after all. And if I have learned anything from "He's just not that into you" it's that a guy will secure a second date if he wants one. I started to worry. I mean, I'm alittle younger than him, what if that bothers him. And I don't keep up with music the way he does. Maybe that underwhelms him. I've never been so nervous.
And that's dating. It is a roller coaster ride for your ego. The ups and downs. The what if I'm not pretty or smart enoughs and the what if he doesn't like the fact I have funny teeth or am short. The what if my laugh is too nasallies are followed immediately by the I am so lucky and he makes me feel specials.
Dating is stressful. I guess we are supposed to be confident, realize we are worthy and that the right guy will see that. It's just easier said than done. Most of the time, I know I am a pretty cool lady, but when I am looking at a silent phone all night, it is hard not to question.
Then, however, something wonderful happened. He asked me out to coffee tonight. And the rollercoast went up again. YES!